Political Science Chair Weighs 'Reign of Fashion Terror' After Costco Shopping Spree

Department Chair Peter VonDoepp says he shops at Costco and T.J. Maxx, a habit he credits for his current wardrobe. He describes his style as bold, favoring navy blue and gray to ensure he does not blend in with the other professors. VonDoepp traces this shift in personal aesthetics to a previous academic stint at a German university, where he became more conscious of style before returning to Burlington.

The chair now advocates for a department-wide dress code to match his own standard. He describes the initiative as a "reign of fashion terror," intending to use his administrative authority to elevate the visual presentation of the Political Science department. VonDoepp points to the Kirkland Signature brand as a model for well-rounded quality, noting that the label provides his coffee, packaged nuts, and dress shirts.

Colleagues reacted with mixed feelings to the proposal. Professor Jonathan "Doc" Bradley noted that political science faculty typically practice radical autonomy. He predicted that the group would initially resist the new rules by dressing down in an act of rebellion. Bradley said, "[Political Science] professors practice radical autonomy, the initial thing is going to be resist .. they would immediately dress down as a sense of rebellion."

Professor Peter S. Henne offered a more cautious take. He stated that he would likely fit the new code but was unsure how the rest of the faculty would respond. Henne said, "I would still fit in, but I am not sure how that would go over with the rest."

The discussion extended to footwear. All three professors interviewed rejected the current trend of wearing Hoka shoes, a style popular among some legacy members of the department. Henne stated he would never wear informal shoes. Bradley admitted he might make an exception after the first couple of weeks, though he generally preferred more formal options.

The professors also shared advice for students regarding date nights. Bradley criticized movie dates and recommended amateur ice skating instead. He advised that if both partners are poor skaters, they should hold on to each other. He also addressed the "swag gap," expressing frustration when a woman wears a nice dress while her partner looks like a slob. Bradley said, "It drives me crazy when I see a girl wearing a nice dress and a guy looking like a slob, you always dress to your partner."

Henne recommended that students avoid wearing purple. He recounted a traumatic experience in Washington D.C. where he wore a purple shirt and never heard the end of the teasing. Henne said, "I wore a purple shirt once .. I never heard the end of it .. I won't wear purple shirts anymore." He also mentioned a local incident where a student teased him for wearing a hat, noting the student did not know he was a professor.

VonDoepp expressed particular disdain for stonewashed jeans. When asked if students should wear them on dates, he appeared flabbergasted. He asked, "Did you say stonewash? Are those still legal [..] seriously, they still make those?"

All three professors predicted a general decline in formality within the department. However, VonDoepp remains committed to raising the standards. He reiterated his intent to use all available powers to enforce the new aesthetic. Bradley identified Professor Ly as an outlier who looks great, but noted that his class schedule for the spring has not been released yet.